Thursday, August 4, 2011

My Horror With OCD

I think living with OCD has made life harder for me. I make people around me upset because I obsess over things that I should not. Mine does not respond to medications, so I pretty much go off the deep end at times, and can't stop myself from obsessions. It's terrible to have something control your mind that you can't stop.

It's a horrible feeling that I get at times where depression sets in and I just get tired of everything, and just want to disappear.

I have this thing where I want everyone to like me, but in real life that doesn't happen. It's something that I need to work on. Sometimes I get on people's nerves and I don't realize it. I feel like a puppet that's being controlled by my mind and I can't shut it off.

I wish people understood how hard it is to live with having OCD. People tend to make fun of it and don't understand. I've lived in silence with it for so many years.  I can't describe how it feels. It's like living in your own horror movie and it never ends.

All I do is worry everyday about germs and Cancer. Being accepted and other strange shit that you see on Monk. It's just crazy that something like this can just send you over the edge, by any little thing. Maybe this will help people understand me better. People that don't like me I'm sure will make fun of it, but unless you've lived in my shoes, you'll never know how it feels.

I'm hoping one day they will develop a medication, or cure that will help people with OCD control their symptoms.